I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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