Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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