I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
