Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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