It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
