Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
