so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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