I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
