I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
