90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
