Umm I'm too high to move.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
