No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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