before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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