omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize