i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
