I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
accomplished twins. life is a go
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
