i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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