she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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