how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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