Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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