you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
