God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
