community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
