just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
