we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
