Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
