Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
