remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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