I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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