maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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