Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
