Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
