Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
