But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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