your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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