Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
