Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
