god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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