You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
