So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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