This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
