You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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