I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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