We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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