Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
