tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
