When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
