you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
