im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
