You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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