i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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