So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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