I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
