Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
