his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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