My nipple is on Facebook.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
