I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
