YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
