when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
