Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
