I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
