I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
