I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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