if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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