Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
