Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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