I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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