Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
