when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
