Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
