Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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