She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
