So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize