I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize