dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
