I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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