The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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