Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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