Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
