where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
