I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
