In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
