Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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